If you never feel that your luckiness has been ended, please read what i share about that.
Right now I am in that feeling. The situation, the people and even the things around me are not supported to work well and to reach things I fight for. The people make me sick. No ethics and good values hold by this community, so not suprising the fair play is far away from their points of view. I am tested and I feel I will not be able to pass it.
It' difficult, very exhausted indeed, to get a little appreciation here. Just a few people see me as a human, there are more people see me as one whom can be used to finish their work, to increase their good reputation or to enrich their selves. Without shyness they use me!
The only friend I have now is the man who married me. He accompanies me these last 15 years but he also can't help. His recommendation was ignored. I am wondering how could they dismiss his recommendation after what he did and fought for Jambi?
Once I intended to do fasting everyday so desires in my self will die slowly. My life would be easier if I don't have any target or ambition. Without desire in my heart, of course I don't need to compete anymore. I will satisfy with all I get, despite no energy left to fight, the things or status also have been destined to be mine.
I have prayed every day, almost every night, not complain whatsoever happened. Everything is already in its place, isn't it? Once I ever lived in glory and now the time to live in modesty is coming..., i should take it sincerely. But how difficult it is to set that concept into my mind. Is that because i am a true rebellion? Or I am actually only a big loser?
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