Dear Readers,
I am not sure of myself anymore. All doors seem to be closed and no prospect I can see ahead of me. No one is willing to help or at least to push and give me spirit to go on. I am in dilemma whether taking my current career as it is or fighting for a higher position. If I run for the second choice, I have to ask help to someone who has big power in order to make it true. Is it already the time to lower myself and ask such a help?
My heart keeps saying that that step will be dangerous for my moral. Though I want a change in my life and I have promised to dedicate my work for my office, my country and my family, the consequences of that choice are huge.
According to my religion it is banned to ask for a government position especially if it aims to enrich you. Indeed it is allowed to do so for the sake of community interest but the challenges to maintain that good intension will be very hard. Islam pushes its followers to have clean heart and life, position or fortune is only a mean to reach it.
But I have my own reasons, these they are; I can’t stand life in indignity and just become an ordinary woman. I need to be acknowledged by the skill I have. Furthermore I want to contribute my fortune to relatives and neighbors who live in poor/difficulties. Since I was only a very young girl I had set in my mind about the life I would have in future. Until now I still fight for that…That is why I pursue my education, work hard to fulfill all qualifications needed and never forget to pray.
Now I am facing the situation where my boss doesn’t care of me and other researchers. She gets confused and panic. Two months in my office, she did nothing. She has no idea how to fix Balitbangda. She already makes me sick. All critics about her as well as the demand to change my life, bring me to the dilemma I mentioned before; is that time for me to fight for a position?
Most of my productive time is spent in office; it’s a pity if that comes to nothing. Suppose I have other choices, I will not think of this too much. Frankly I hate to be ignored. I really hate to see a stupid person being my boss, and then give orders what to do and not to do while he just sits and enjoys a big income.
Oh my Lord, why this life can’t be just simple?
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