I am 42 years old now, an age of a mature woman thought I still feel that I am fragile. A little conflict or something out of order can make me distressed, even more hopeless. I also figure out that my health becomes more sensitive. Like two day ago I was collapse and admitted to the nearest health clinic in LIPI. All those alarming signs have to make me watchful. The preparation for welcoming of death angel should be more and more.
In the future I promise to be more generous to my family and people in my surrounding, give gifts or what they really needs and release them from suffering. At least Allah will consider of forgiving my sin. Those people I help, perhaps, will remember me as a nice woman and this, in the eye of Allah will mean worthwhile. Giving much and get less should be my motto now on.
Yet, I still want to live longer. I remember the nights I miss my mother. What does she do there? I think she would like to be with me, admire one and other stuffs like bags, jewelries, cloths or a simple house decoration rather than lay down there. She would be happy to get a scarf or bag from my out of Jambi trip, or chatting with me by phone.
I know my mother had many dreams. She went away before some of those dreams became true. I would be like my mother if I die young. I can’t refuse it. I just pray that I will not sorry to leave all I have in the world, because there Allah give me the best.
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